Born under the wrong star
by justanotherfanficwriter
Summary: When the girls tease Ami about Messenger's Mercury flyby, she gets back at them in an unexpected way


Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Rain poured steadily outside, slapping the earth and driveway in a steady staccato beat. The beat also echoed off the roof, interrupted only when a gust of wind caused the rain pellets to fall sideways, sluicing against windows and doors, sounding like miniature machine guns. 

Haruka, who had been peering hopefully out the window, dropped the lacy white curtain with a groan and turned to the roomful of people who were sitting, standing or lounging behind her in the living room. "It's still coming down," she complained. "And it looks like it's going to keep on coming down the rest of the afternoon."

Makoto, sitting cross-legged on the floor, sighed and turned back to the crossword puzzle book on her lap. "Well, that squashes our idea of having a cookout today."

"Whose bright idea was it to hold it this afternoon? Didn't anyone look at the weather forecast?" Haruka grumbled, turning to look yet again out the rain-drenched window.

Michiru cleared her throat, not looking up from the needlework on her lap. "I believe I told you it was supposed to rain today, Haruka, but you said, quote, 'No rain's gonna stop me from barbecuing.'"

Haruka looked embarrassed. "Well, that was before the wind started picking up," she muttered, walking away from the window and leaning against one of the cream walls, putting her hands in her pockets. "I don't want to get sick!"

"I don't want her to get sick either, Michiru-mama," Hotaru piped in from the rug where she was lying on her stomach, reading a book.

"Well, since we invited everybody over, I suppose we have no choice but to order takeout for dinner," Michiru said as she neatly ended a stitch and knotted the thread.

"I can cook for you guys if you want," Makoto said, looking eagerly up from her crossword puzzle book. "You have a ton of chicken and ribs waiting to be thrown into the oven."

Michiru shook her head regretfully as Haruka gave the brown-haired girl a smile. "No thanks, Makoto-chan. You're our guest this evening. But if you want to wash up the dishes after dinner I won't mind –"

An angry glare from Michiru cut the tall blonde short. Chuckling nervously, Haruka walked over to the couch and sank down next to Michiru, who was now inserting pink thread into her needle. "Never mind. Tonight's my turn to do the dishes, and I know I'd better do as I'm told."

"Let Usagi-chan do it," Rei murmured from the floor where she was deeply engrossed in her newest manga. "I'd like to see if she can get through a full sink without breaking anything."

"Rei-chan! I can too wash dishes without dropping them – I mean, breaking them!" Usagi protested from her perch on Mamoru's lap. "Isn't that right, Mamo-chan?"

"Well…" The young man hemmed and hawed, sheepishly rubbing his forehead. "Umm…"

"It's okay, Mamoru-kun. We know how much you've been spending on new dishes," Rei continued, turning a page of her manga.

"You do?" Mamoru asked in surprise. He turned to Usagi, whose cheeks grew bright red. "I, well… I may have let something slip about that new set of dinnerware you bought last week…" the blonde giggled nervously.

"Usagi-chan is too clumsy in the kitchen. You'd better hire a maid," Minako interjected as she pressed buttons on her hand-held video game.

"Minako-chan! You guys are so mean!" Usagi protested. "Ami-chan, help me!"

"I'm not listening," Ami replied from behind the large encyclopedia she was reading, having borrowed it from Setsuna.

"Don't get her involved. You have to learn to fight your own battles by yourself," Rei said, looking sharply up at Usagi.

Usagi looked pleadingly across the room at Haruka, who held her hands up in a 'stop' gesture. "That goes for me, too, kitten. Don't rely on anyone's help too much, otherwise you won't be able to do anything on your own."

"You're all a bunch of meanies!" Usagi threw her arms around Mamoru's neck and put her head on his shoulder. "I hope one day something bad happens to you and you need me to help, but I won't, and then you'll be sorry and-"

"Even me, Usagi-chan?" Hotaru asked, looking up from her book in surprise.

Usagi blushed. "Well no, not you, Hotaru-chan. And not you either, Michiru-chan. Or you, Setsuna-chan," she said, addressing the dark-skinned woman who had been quietly sitting in a recliner, typing on her laptop all this time. "Or you either, Mako-chan. You guys are okay. But the rest of you!" she said, glaring at Rei, Minako, Ami and Haruka.

"I think I've been insulted," Rei muttered. "Sort of."

"Join the club," Minako remarked. A series of tiny explosions came from her video game, followed by a long musical interlude; she shook the tiny console angrily and yelled, "Damn it! I just lost my last life. Now I have to start all over again!"

Makoto looked over at her and grinned. "I don't know how you can play those games so often, Mina-chan. They make me dizzy after a while, especially 'Super Speed F1 Racing'."

"Well, it's all because I'm a Libra!" Minako said, tossing her hair proudly. "We're tenacious and don't give up easily. And we look good doing it, too!"

"You're not the only one who looks good doing things," Haruka said, her voice so low that only Michiru heard her. The aqua-haired woman smiled as she continued making small crosses in her fabric.

Makoto threw her crossword puzzle book down on the floor and groaned. "If I do any more of that I'm going to go crazy! We can't even go outside to play sports. Haruka-chan, can you put on the TV? Maybe there's something interesting on the news we can look at."

"All right," Haruka said, reaching for the remote on the small side table next to her. She flipped the television on; a reporter's voice filled the room, accompanied by a background photograph of a small planet.

"For the first time in over three decades, a space probe is exploring Mercury's topography," the reporter said. "Mariner 10, the last probe to visit the closest planet to the sun, only mapped 50 percent of Mercury's surface. Mercury's close proximity to the sun made previous expeditions cost-prohibitive, but thanks to modern technology, which includes the use of gravity as a slingshot-"

As the report continued, Haruka looked across at Ami. "Looks like it's finally your planet's turn to be in the spotlight, Ami-chan."

"It's about time," Minako said, turning off her video game. "There have been so many missions to the other planets, especially Mars! I'm tired of seeing pictures of Mars on TV."

"I resent that," Rei snapped.

"Rei-chan does have a point," Makoto grinned, glancing over at Ami. "Mars is easier on the eyes than Mercury. Mars has nice red soil, but Mercury's this big old pitted rock."

"Hai, and it looks just like the moon! Why should they waste money to take even more 'moon pictures?' We have enough of those," Usagi giggled.

"You know, if you think of it, Mercury really does resemble Ami-chan," Minako chuckled. "A dwarf with an iron core."

Ami frowned at Usagi, Rei, Minako and Makoto, then went back to her reading. Haruka noticed Ami's gesture and nudged Michiru, who had also been examining Ami closely. The aqua-haired woman stifled a chuckle and ended a stitch; Rei noticed their gestures and smiled broadly. Emboldened, she closed her manga and turned to one side so she was fully facing Ami. "Ami-chan's very level-headed, isn't she? She never loses her temper," she teased.

"That's because she's a Virgo. She keeps all her passion for her books," Makoto chuckled.

"Unlike certain people," Haruka remarked, picking up strands of aqua hair and letting them fall back into springy curls against Michiru's shoulders.

Usagi nodded eagerly, misunderstanding Haruka's comment. "I know; that's just how Rei-chan is! But we can forgive her, because she's an Aries. She's earned the right to be hot-headed, isn't that right, Ami-chan?"

Ami cleared her throat and turned a page of the encyclopedia. "Actually, Usagi-chan, she isn't."

The girls exchanged glances. "What do you mean, 'she isn't'?" Makoto asked in amusement.

"I mean that Rei-chan isn't an Aries."

Makoto laughed incredulously. "You're out of your mind. She was born on April 17th. That makes her an Aries!"

"Ami-chan's been studying too hard. Here, put down that encyclopedia and play my game!" Minako said, holding out her hand-held device to Ami.

But the girl genius shook her head, cheeks turning pink. "Gomen nasai, Minako-chan. I, um, I'm fine," she said, disappearing behind her large book once more.

Rei, however, was not to be put off so easily. "Ami-chan… why do you say I'm not an Aries?"

"Yeah, that sounds weird. Is there something you're holding back from us?" Makoto demanded, squinting suspiciously at Ami.

The blue-haired girl started to sweat. "Never mind. Forget that I said anything," she said, pushing her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Come on, Ami-chan. You're making a very strong accusation about something that could change the entire world us senshi live in. I hope you have scientific data to back it up," Haruka said, half-joking, half-worried.

"Yes, let's hear more about this statement of yours," Michiru added, putting down her embroidery and looking across at Ami.

Ami gulped and looked around the room. Setsuna had stopped typing on her laptop and was giving the blue-haired girl her full attention; Mamoru and Usagi were staring openly at her, while Hotaru looked intensely curious. Sighing deeply, Ami removed her glasses and rubbed the indentations left on either side of her nose. "All right, I'll explain… well, the ruling planets that govern us are based on Western astrology. For example, Rei-chan was born in April, so according to Western astrology she's an Aries." Ami paused and took a deep breath. "But if you use any sky chart on the Internet and type in Rei's birth date, you'll see that the sun was not in Aries at the time. It was in Pisces."

Dead silence greeted this statement. Ami broke it by saying, "Vedic astrology, on the other hand, relies on astronomy to chart its tables just like regular sky charts, so it works in accordance with what is in the sky at any given time –"

"I don't believe this," Rei muttered in a low voice. "This can't be right. It isn't right, is it, Ami-chan? How could it be?" she pleaded, getting off the ground, running over to the chair Ami was sitting in, grabbing Ami's collar and pulling it tight. The encyclopedia tumbled onto Ami's stomach; the blue-haired girl gagged, pushed Rei's hand away and wheezed, "Well, because of the precession of the equinoxes – that means the earth is moving in a circle with an angular radius of 23 ½ degrees - the equinox and solstice points have each moved westward about 30 degrees over the past 2,000 years. So the twelve constellations no longer correspond to the segments of the zodiac represented by their signs –"

"I can't understand a word you're saying. Let me check it out myself," Haruka said, getting up and walking over to Setsuna. "Can I borrow your laptop?" she asked.

With a nod, Setsuna handed over the computer to Haruka and rose from her chair. She walked into the kitchen as Haruka went back to her seat next to Michiru. "Now let's find out if Ami-chan is making this up to scare us," the tall blonde muttered, typing quickly. Hotaru scrambled to her feet and hurried over to Haruka's side, peering at the laptop.

"Ami-chan, how long have you known about this?" Minako asked.

"Forever, I bet," Makoto sourly replied.

Ami grinned wryly but said nothing; Rei snorted angrily and glared at her. "What about the rest of us, Ami-chan? Are we all born under the wrong stars too?"

"Well…"

"Don't answer her!" Minako pointed her video game threateningly at Ami. "This is supposed to be a relaxing day, and we shouldn't be talking about unpleasant things."

"Minako-chan, we've already learned something unpleasant! We can't just sweep it under the carpet!" Rei said. "Haruka-chan, did you find anything as yet? Where was the sun when I was born? It _was_ in Aries, wasn't it?" she asked hopefully.

The clattering of keys came to a discordant, jangling halt; Haruka hesitated, lifted her face and looked disbelievingly at Rei. "No," she whispered. "It was in Pisces."

"You're lying. Give me that laptop!" Rei said, getting to her feet and snatching the computer from Haruka. As the miko settled down on the carpet with it, Minako put her head on her knees and muttered, "I never was good at astrology. The sign before Libra is… is…"

"Virgo," Ami responded.

"Shut up!" Haruka, Makoto and Rei chorused.

"Haruka-"

"Stay out of this, Michiru."

"Why is all of this happening to us? Does this mean we don't exist? Mamo-chaaaaaaan!" Usagi wailed, bursting into tears and flopping against her bewildered fiancé.

"Ami-chan, I hope you're happy now," Makoto said as she reached out, grabbed some tissues from a box lying on the side table and passed them to Usagi. As the blonde girl blew her nose, Ami querulously replied, "I just thought that-"

"Oh, no! Haruka was right! This is terrible!!" Rei exclaimed as she looked at the laptop screen. Minako, Makoto and Usagi got up and rushed to her, looking over her shoulder at the screen; Haruka rolled her eyes and yelled, "It's just a stupid horoscope! What difference does it make? It's not like our birthdays have changed!"

"Haruka, if her sun sign was in Pisces when she was born, it means she's ruled by Neptune, not Mars. It has nothing to do with her birthday," Setsuna put in quietly, coming back into the room carrying a slice of cake in a napkin in one hand and a bowl of rice pudding in the other.

Haruka looked like she had been slapped. "Oh," was all she finally managed to say.

"Setsuna-chan's right. But if I'm really a Pisces who's ruled by the ocean, where does my fire energy come from?" Rei wailed.

"That," Minako said proudly, "Is a question that only Ami-chan can answer! Go to it, Ames!" she said, reaching out and grabbing Ami's arm as the girl genius was trying to slink out of the room. "Well?"

"Well what?" Ami asked miserably.

"Why does Rei-chan have the power of fire when she's ruled by Neptune?'

"Um… mind over matter?" Ami responded sheepishly.

"I don't believe this. I'm really sailor Neptune," Rei wailed.

"Now there's a scary thought," Haruka muttered.

"Haruka-papa? Does this mean I'm the real Sailor Jupiter?" Hotaru asked, tugging at Haruka's shirtsleeve.

"It looks like it, hime-chan," Haruka responded with a sigh, ruffling Hotaru's hair.

"Rei-chan, may I borrow the laptop?" Michiru asked, walking over to the miko; Rei shuddered and almost hurled it at Michiru. "Here, you can have it."

"So who's the real Sailor Venus then?" Minako demanded.

There was a pause; then, in unison, nine heads turned Setsuna's way. The dark-skinned woman, who had just taken a huge bite of cake, saw eighteen eyes staring accusingly at her; she opened her mouth and crossly asked amid a cloud of crumbs, "What?"

"You… _you're_ the real Sailor Venus," Michiru breathed in wonder.

Setsuna shrugged. "I can live with that," she said, and took another bite of cake.

"Would you stop eating and listen to us? This is important!" Haruka raged.

"Listening to all of this is better on a full stomach, Haruka-chan, so please leave me alone," Setsuna retorted before stuffing the rest of the cake in her mouth.

"That reminds me, I'm hungry," Usagi whined, looking at her watch. "And it's still raining outside! Let's call for Chinese take-out!"

"Can't you stop thinking about your stomach for one minute?" Rei shouted.

Michiru, who had been inserting information on the laptop, put the computer on the floor and took hold of Haruka's hand, looking pale. "I need to speak to you," she said, and pulled the tall blonde over to a far corner of the room.

"If Rei-chan isn't Sailor Mars, then who is?" Makoto wondered.

"There isn't any," Ami said. "None of us was born in May, so we can't shift them back to Aries."

Makoto, who had been studying Minako with intense scrutiny, furrowed her brow. "Minako-chan, you were born in Virgo… oh Kami!" she said, jumping up from her chair and scuttling backwards against the wall.

"What? What is it?" Usagi demanded, looking from Makoto to Minako in distress.

"She… _she_…" Makoto lifted a trembling finger and pointed it at Minako. "If she's really a Virgo, that means _she's_ Sailor Mercury!"

Everyone stared at Minako. Then a huge gust of laughter swept across the room, shaking chairs, table and house alike to their very foundations.

"N-no offense, Minako-chan… but YOU'RE Sailor Mercury?" Makoto bellowed, slapping her hand on the table.

"We're doomed for sure," Rei said, tears running down her cheeks.

"Shut up, you guys! I'm supposed to be the leader of you Inners anyway! So what if I'm Sailor Mercury and… and…" Minako looked embarrassed. "Ami, could you teach me how to use your mini-computer?"

Meanwhile, Haruka and Michiru were having a crisis conference. "According to the sky chart, you're not an Aquarian," Michiru said, her lip trembling. "You're a Capricorn. That means you're the true Sailor Saturn."

Haruka flinched slightly, her eyes widening. "Then… that means that I…"

"Yes," Michiru said. "If things get very bad again, and we can't stop invaders from destroying Earth, you'll have to… to…"

Haruka silenced Michiru with a finger on her lips. "Don't worry," she smiled. "With luck I won't have to sacrifice myself to save the world – not yet, anyway."

Michiru gave a watery smile as Haruka pulled her close. "Well, there is a bright spot. I'm really Sailor Uranus." She smiled up at the tall blonde. "I like that."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Haruka grinned.

"Surprise…" Michiru's expression changed; she frowned and turned to Setsuna, who had just swallowed her cake and was now starting on her rice pudding. "You! You're the senshi of time. Why didn't you see this coming?" the aqua-haired woman demanded.

Setsuna quietly smirked. "This isn't going to disrupt the time stream," she replied.

"What? Things are being turned on their heads and you say the time stream won't be affected?" Haruka shouted.

"I'm an easygoing Libra. Deal with it," Setsuna said, and took another spoonful of rice pudding. "Mm, tasty." As she smacked her lips in pleasure, the napkin fluttered to the floor. "Oops."

Meanwhile, in the heart of the living room, the other girls were trading insults.

"Ami-chan will be happy to help Minako out," Rei snidely said. "As a Leo, she loves to show off how much information she knows."

"Stop being such a know-it-all, Rei-chan. You can't help it because you're a Pisces, but you should learn to lighten up," Minako retorted.

"I always thought Usagi had a double personality," Makoto mused. "One minute she's happy and cheerful, the next she's crying. As a Gemini, can you blame her?"

"Be quiet, Mako-chan!" Usagi hissed. "It makes sense you're obsessed with boys! You Scorpions are all the same!"

"Mamoru-kun is the real Cancerian? I guess that's why he's always hiding his real feelings from you, Usagi-chan," Rei laughed. "Especially with that appetite of yours."

"Wait a minute – what did you say?" Minako said, her face turning white.

"I said he hides his real feelings…"

"No, not that!" Minako rushed over to the puzzled Mamoru and, to everyone's shock, dropped to her knees in front of him and started bowing deeply. Her muffled voice drifted up to the others through her long hair, saying, "Don't you get it? Mamoru-kun is the real Sailor Moon! He's the prince and we have to protect him!"

The other girls stared at Mamoru, who turned deathly pale. "Now, look here one second-" he started.

"Mamo-chan! Mamo-chan! You're the real Sailor Moon… how do you feel about wearing a skirt?" Usagi asked, rushing over to her fiancé and hugging him.

"Usako, I'm not going to wear a skirt when we fight evil!"

"Does that mean Ami-chan is the real Tuxedo Kamen?" Makoto asked, scratching her head. "Since she's a Leo and all…"

"If she is, I'm not risking my life to protect _her!"_ Rei said, picking up Setsuna's fallen napkin, balling it and hurling it Ami's way. The blue-haired girl ducked; the missile flew over the bowing Minako's head and hit Mamoru in the eye.

"_Ouch!"_

"Rei-chan, you baka! You could have blinded him! My poor Mamo-chan!"

"Sorry, sorry Mamoru-kun! Ami-chan, this is all your fault!"

There was a white flash, a distortion of space and a ray of white light beamed down in the center of the chimney. Chibiusa stepped out of the sooty grate, coughing and dusting off her clothes, her Luna-P ball in one hand. "I'll have to tell Mama to send me down in the front yard next time," she muttered to herself. "Even if I got rained on, it doesn't mean I'll get sick -"

She looked up, noticing, for the first time, the ten squabbling people in the room. Hotaru caught sight of her and rose to her feet, running over to her. "Chibiusa-chan! How nice to see you!" Hotaru said, giving her best friend a hug.

"It's nice to see you too, Hotaru-chan." Chibiusa peered around Hotaru at the others. "Why is everyone fighting?'

"Oh, Ami-chan told them they're not the sun signs they thought they were, so everyone's upset," Hotaru replied.

Chibiusa looked puzzled. "What does that mean?"

Hotaru explained the whole story to Chibiusa, whose eyes grew rounder and rounder as the quarreling in the room grew louder and louder. When the brunette was finally done Chibiusa put her hands on her hips. "How long have they been like this?" she demanded.

"Fourteen minutes and ten seconds," Hotaru said, rolling her eyes.

"Hmm." Chibiusa looked thoughtful, then brightened up and smiled. "Hotaru-chan, could you just go and stand over there?" she asked.

"Where, by that post?" Hotaru asked, turning around.

"No, by Setsuna-chan," Chibiusa said.

"But why?"

"Please, Hotaru-chan!" Chibiusa pleaded. Hotaru shrugged but did as she was told, walking back across the room, stepping over the sniping Rei and Makoto and standing next to Setsuna, who was involved in a bitter argument with Michiru and Haruka. Chibiusa gave Hotaru a thumbs-up; then she hurled her arm back and launched her Luna-P through the air. It exploded in a pink flash over the company; when the air cleared, everyone except Chibiusa blinked and looked at each other. The pink-haired girl walked towards them all as Makoto scratched her head and asked, "What were we talking about again?'

"Minna! I came to pay you a visit! Mama sends her love and best wishes," Chibiusa said.

"Chibiusa-chan! You're just in time for barbecue – wait a minute. It's still raining?" Minako said, pulling the curtain aside and looking out the window.

"Chinese take-out! Let's have that instead!" Usagi shouted, making Mamoru wince and hold his ear.

And so the Outers ordered fast food for everyone and the evening, though still rainy, turned out pleasant for them all. By some unknown agreement made among the others, however, when it was time to parcel out leftovers to the visitors before they went home, Ami got none. And so the sailor senshi lived to fight another day as their original selves, and Mamoru escaped having to wear a sailor fuku.

* * *

Want to try the experiment yourself? Go to the link on my homepage and enter Rei's birthday - April 17, 1978. Then plug in the latitude and longitude for Tokyo: 35º 40´ N, 139º 45´ E. If you enter any of the senshis' birth dates you'll see their sun signs are all off by one. 


End file.
